Sunday, September 20, 2009

Your money, my money, whose money is it anyway??

We were discussing about a new hindi movie, how the guy sees 12 girls in 6 days and decides to marry one of them in 10 days. Its a story very near to what happens these days. The guy comes to India for vacation, sees a couple of girls and then marries.Well, as the discussion went on, we went to to tell a few stories which we had heard. Then came one story, there is a working couple, the girl's family needed some money and the guy asked why she was sending money to her parents. Few months back, when I was with roomies we had a similar discussion.

One girl said, she should have told him that its none of his business. I would have vouched for this, if I wasnt married and dint know what it meant to be married. I am not trying to say what anybody said was wrong. I am just trying to tell that, certain problems dont have clear cut solutions. Also, the way you look at things might change after you are married. Well, if people claim that they know how things change once you are married, or who say "I have lot of married friends and I know how they think". Trust me, you can only see the surface of whats between them. However good or bad the relationship seems, its only the surface. Its obvious the couple dont tell you their best or worst times. Like any thing else in this world, you have to experience this, to know it. There are certain things which we pledge not to change in our lives, but we do later, not due to the pressure, just because the situation is such, and we want to do it for our loved one.

There is a very popular saying in which it seems Girls say to the husband - "Your money is my money, my money is my money". Well whoever said this, I have one question for you. What happened to all that "women are equal to men"? First thing, if ladies want to spend the money on their family, go ahead, there is nothing wrong, but there is nothing wrong in discussing this with your partner. If you feel thats wrong, then stop checking your partner's bank balance Its none of your business too. Isn't it unfair on the guy, that he has to account for everything and ladies shouldn't be questioned. Ofcourse I do agree in our society guys are not questioned for a lot of things, but we are, so ladies also shouldnt have these obstacles or vice versa. I agree to that too. Lets do something, were both can come to agreeable terms.

Ofcourse, all the discussion can happen only if the guy is understanding enough. If, he is being a nut case and denying it, then you can think of different solution. But on the first place, before marraige did both of them discuss on this aspect. These days, be it love or arranged, girl and guy usually get a chance to talk to each other. If not personally, they atleast interact through other media. So, instead of asking which colour they like, or what is the favourite vacation spot, can't both of them discuss topics like these, which matter more. Wont this help you in choosing your life partner than the colour or vacation spot. I agree that you cant start off with such things. But once you reach a comfort zone, cant these be discussed? There are a lot of things which cant be discussed, since we can never anticipate what problems we might face. But whatever comes to your mind at that point of time, which is practical.

Today, most of the girls are financially independent. But when you are getting married, are you not committing yourself to your life partner. We still expect the girl to do the household work, along with careers. We fight for this, saying guys also need to participate. Some guys might claim that its not their part and that in the rules of marraige (if any), girls do this work. We girls, protest and some times get it our way, where there is distribution of work. Inspite of this, why do some of us still think that guys should provide. Is this not hypocrisy? Shouldnt this relationship inspite of financial independence, have the emotional dependency.
G always says there is always a difference between independence and freedom. We need to realize this difference.

Coming back to finance. This is my funda is "Your money is our money and my money is also our money".

Its said that Love is magic. Its also said "Falling in love is very easy. Staying in love is difficult". Getting into the wedlock is easier, staying in the marraiges is a 24*7 occupation. I may not have decades of experience in this, but half a decade of commitment and an year + of marraige has taught me this. And it takes a couple to keep this going. So, its better to sort this financial issue as early as possible. Comeon, dont you have other problems to work on... Like who's gonna ccok today :)


Khushi said...

loved the post! :D
agree with every bit of it :)

enigma said...

Superb read Arthi....I could relate to many of the things you have written. The flow in your writing is amazing.

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