I am very frustrated..............

I am really very frustrated today. Infact very angry today. And yes for a change not on my PL[i think]. Coz we havent spoken much today.
Its either on my friend or myself. I am not sure. If i think in his point of view may be i am wrong. If i think from my point , i dunno if iam right or wrong.
Everything seems to be going wrong. Or so i feel.
I just wanna run away from everything. All responsibilities, all relations, all expectations. I want to go off to some far off place. where i know nobody. I will take a lot of books with me to read, and some money so that i can go n around and for food.
I want everybody to know, who r close to me, to give me the same importance as they have been giving. Its entirely their fault, they had given me so much attention - as if i am everything in life, and come what may i am going to be everything.
But then i have to face the reality - Agreed i am still so very imp to them but then this is life and sometimes it so happens that they wont be able to give me so much importance 24x7.
So they shouldn't have put me on the pedestal before. Now if they put me back to reality, how am i supposed to handle it. I am very sensitive. I am pampered a lot by everyone, but suddenly everybody realizes that i am not a kid anymore. I just dont understand this.
As long as i am listening to them and dont say no - i am good. i am sweet. i am a baby.
But once i start arguing i am not a nice girl, i am adamant. If they say this is what they expect me to do "LISTEN TO THEM ALWAYS-COME WHAT MAY" it's understandale. Atleast i am better i tell them directly this is what i expect from u. They say "U do what ever u want its fine with me".
I have just gone crazy listening to all this. I tell everyone frankly "See this is how i behave, and plz dont expect me to change" but still people complain.
Before i wanted to go to blore coz it was my home. Now i want to go coz i dont want to be in mysore. Its all the same. There is no change.
Anyway there is no end to my frustration. There is only 1 person who can help me out in this - That's "ME".

Dunno y i behaved like that

I had a hopeless morning. I had started chatting with my friend. Then he was insisiting that i should have breakfast daily [he is very concerned about my health]. We were just arguing about it.
After that i told him something which i got to know. I said that and he said he already knew. I dont know y but i felt very bad. I just felt that i am being stupid in telling every small and stupid thing to him. But its not the same the other way round. This is not what i want. I agree he is very sad there, but then i just felt that before telling me anything he first thinks whether its imp or not and then only tells me. If he feels it not imp then he doesnt tell me[he was like this from the beginning, i just hoped that he'll change and share his thoughts with me, but anyway....].
I think i'll also start doing the same.
Unless somthing has to do with both of us, i have decided not to tell him.

But somehow i felt really hurt. And then when he called i was really angry. And i dint speak. I dont repent for that coz i was really angry and would have blasted him really bad if we had continued speaking. Then he cut the phone and thats it.

I am really very hurt by whatever happened today. Whether it was coz of my behaviour or coz of him, i dunno. But i really feel so frustrated. Anyway i am ever frustrated these days by some reason or the other.

I want to go home, be with my mom, but there again i start feeling lonely. I pick up a fight with mom[as everybody says - i start the fight]. Sometimes i feel i should go out with my friends, but sometimes they r busy and may not be able to make it up.

Sometimes i feel i will be alone. As i was before. Have a number of friends, but still be all alone. Coz at that time i never used to share my secrets or my thoughts with them. I only used to have fun with them. All this start off when i start sharing my feelings with a person. I expect the same from the person. And thats just not possible.

I am going really maaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddddddddddddddddd....................................

I wore a saree ......... :)

Today i wore a saree....
It was a nice experience. I had never wore saree to office. :)
First thing everybody asked me today was "what's special???"
And all i said was "nothing" "oh just like that" and sometimes "so that u could ask me"
But this was the first time i wore a saree and i really enjoyed the whole day :)

Wish all my friends were here to see me wearing saree.
All my close friends. My closest friend. My................

Long time..............................................

Its been so long since i wrote a blog.
Not that i dont have anything interesting. Its not that i dont have time also. Just that i dint feel like writing aything new.
Well these days work has been less and i am getting really bored.Work should be in proportion. We should have work for 5-6 hrs a day.
But somehow when i have work my day in office lasts for 12-13 hrs. Or after 2-3 hrs in office i dont know wht to do.
Well i am trying to learn something new. There again i have problems, some installation problems, and if i have to try out something i need to do it on my colleagues system. But i can do that for max of 1 hr not more than that.
Now i am going thru some docs, but feeling sleepy. Hope i gain some knowledge on what i am reading. :)

My friend is back :)

Hey my friend is back to Mysore. She was in US for nearly an year and now she is back. We had a good time today. She is still the same. She got me a gift it s a cute chain with a very cute pendant.

We used to have so much fun in office. When we moved to our new building in office we were so particular about where all of us r gonna sit.Even the exact positions as to in the cube where each of us would sit. By the time she had left from india, we had become quite close. I was always happy i had such a friend. She used to treat me like a kid :). She used to pinch me on my cheek[ she did that today also:)], we used to trouble each other with fwds. We used to send fwds to each other and force the other person to read it[esp when we knew that other person had loads to do]. But we always helped each other. It was like team work and we hardly felt the burden of work.

Today i felt really good in office. Its true, however professional u r, people, the surroundings do matter. And people whom u work with do influence u :)

April 1st - Fools Day :)

This day reminds me of childhood[not that i dont behave childish now :)]
Every year i had so much fun trying to fool people. First one would always be my mom :)
She used to come and wake me up for school. And i used to say i have stomach ache or some other reason, my mom used to believe it. But she used to feel so happy that i was enjoying all this. I was a kid in 3rd r 4th std.Then i used to fool my friends saying there was a cockroach or something like that.
Now so many years have gone by, and now its like any other day to me. I dont feel like fooling anybody. I remember last year i was fooled by one of my friends.
It was a weekday,and he was supposed to be in Bangalore[his dad was in hospital]. I got a call early in the morning around 7 from him saying can u come down soon with vehicle keys, i need it really urgent. I was wondering what this guy was doing in Mysore at this time. We are in an apartment and it dint occur to me that when he can come till the appartment he could have as well come till the house.
I went running down and saw nobody was there. I got it. He was fooling me. Then he called up once again saying he had fooled me. :) But the whole thing was so nice. I just loved the whole of it.
and this year my project mate tried to fool me. He said he had been using my id and pwd for internet access and that CCD called up and told him that he was downloading virus and so my id is blocked. Poor guy he dint remember i hadnt given him my id at all yday. :)
So he was the one who became the fool.

Today we had a lot of fun. yes in office :) . Me n one of my proj mates had a lot of fun today. :)