Friday, April 15, 2005

I am very frustrated..............

I am really very frustrated today. Infact very angry today. And yes for a change not on my PL[i think]. Coz we havent spoken much today.
Its either on my friend or myself. I am not sure. If i think in his point of view may be i am wrong. If i think from my point , i dunno if iam right or wrong.
Everything seems to be going wrong. Or so i feel.
I just wanna run away from everything. All responsibilities, all relations, all expectations. I want to go off to some far off place. where i know nobody. I will take a lot of books with me to read, and some money so that i can go n around and for food.
I want everybody to know, who r close to me, to give me the same importance as they have been giving. Its entirely their fault, they had given me so much attention - as if i am everything in life, and come what may i am going to be everything.
But then i have to face the reality - Agreed i am still so very imp to them but then this is life and sometimes it so happens that they wont be able to give me so much importance 24x7.
So they shouldn't have put me on the pedestal before. Now if they put me back to reality, how am i supposed to handle it. I am very sensitive. I am pampered a lot by everyone, but suddenly everybody realizes that i am not a kid anymore. I just dont understand this.
As long as i am listening to them and dont say no - i am good. i am sweet. i am a baby.
But once i start arguing i am not a nice girl, i am adamant. If they say this is what they expect me to do "LISTEN TO THEM ALWAYS-COME WHAT MAY" it's understandale. Atleast i am better i tell them directly this is what i expect from u. They say "U do what ever u want its fine with me".
I have just gone crazy listening to all this. I tell everyone frankly "See this is how i behave, and plz dont expect me to change" but still people complain.
Before i wanted to go to blore coz it was my home. Now i want to go coz i dont want to be in mysore. Its all the same. There is no change.
Anyway there is no end to my frustration. There is only 1 person who can help me out in this - That's "ME".